A former mentor of mine once told me that a big part of this occupation is being a psychologist. And while we say that in jest, there is some validity to it. The business of coaching is not successful because of transactions, its successful because of relationships. Many times we will develop extremely close relationships with our members. In that process, the gym can become less like a task that has to get done, and more like a stress release for the day or week.
I’ve had grown men use the gym as an opportunity to talk about work and home life alike. Which is perfectly fine with me. Marriage problems, children, pets, office interactions, car repairs, etc. All of these things can become a distraction to getting the work of the barbell accomplished. But its important to remember as a coach that the work of the barbell is not the primary driver of happiness in daily life for most people. Getting a 500lb squat will not fix any of the problems previously listed. Sometimes, in the pursuit of efficiency, we get so wrapped up in coaching to a specific set of standards that we forget people are not robots.
The Marine Corps beat the empathy out of me. I must say, of all things coaching related listening to other peoples problems and finding a way to care was a very steep learning curve. After all, the most common phrase I heard early on in the Marines was “You know who cares? Nobody Cares.” Hiking with a stress fracture in your foot? “Nobody Cares.” Don’t have the tools to do your job? “Nobody cares.” You have to work on Christmas? “Nobody Cares.” It was leaderships way of telling you to “deal with it, figure it out, just solve the problem.” And while there is certainly a necessity for that in the military, as a coach it will leave you with an open schedule. It is your job to care.
It was therefore important for me to fire “Nobody” and reinstate myself as Director of Caring. Well how exactly does one do that? I must tell you, it is a time consuming process. Not entirely dissimilar from the process of getting stronger, it involves multiple reps and sets of putting yourself in their position. “How would I feel if that happened to me?” When you do that honestly and repeatedly over time you get your empathy back. Then you can really start to help people. Your responses become more genuine because they are. Your relationships improve because trust develops quicker. And your coaching improves because your clients trust you more. And just like a psychologist, you can only successfully help someone if they trust you enough to let you.